The Tongs love to browse through their mailbag, reading feedback, invitations and suggestions from kindly surfersby. Spam mail is carefully filtered out, compressed into briquettes and burned ceremonially on the beach at Penhors.
Either send a thought through the comments field below (bottom left), or alternatively send full a full and friendly email to mailbag@tongs.org.uk.
- Well, first off we have a nice email from young /David Bourne who recommends staying at the Palace Estate when travelling in India. Thanks, David. We shall check it out next time we're passing through.
- David writes again to report, "I started you off with your mailbag and now give you the website address for the Palace Estate, Coorg [email is not yet working!] www.palaceestate.co.in Have a look at the feedback in particular. Regards, /David Bourne
- Next, young Alicia writes from Wakefield (with full phone number) to say hello. Not to the Tongs, however: "hi dick and dom i think youir programe dick and dom in the bungalow is ace". (posted to Savaloy).
- Mr C. from Fleet writes to bemoan the lack of PigeonFloating on the wiki. "It is rubbish," he says. Thanks, Mr. C.! One tries ones best.
- Mrs AD mistook us for OprahWinfrey and writes to explain that her brother raped and/or murdered a range of individuals. Thanks for sharing, AD.
- David P. writes for advice on holidaying at Club Sun N Sand. Have a great holiday, David!
- An anonymous poster briefly abandons the English language to advise that "i think what is going on in your headsw is sick and one day are find out who you are and kill you all". This is not pleasant news, anon.
- If you haven't worked out who we are from the copious evidence presented to you on this wiki of ours, your attempts at mass murder should be highly amusing. Remember, hold the pointy end of the knife away from you.
- Agreed. It's fairly trivial to find out at least two of our home addresses. And if I ever meet you, I will kick your fucking head in. (Not you, spim) --b
- A DickAndDom fan dropped us two messages. "i will cook froom ame gackson" was quickly followed by the more musical "poo poo poo poo poo poo poa poo poo poo". Is Ame Gackson a name, one wonders. What will she cook?
- Another DickAndDom fan writes to say "love to be on your show". I'll see if there's room.
- Yet another DickAndDom fan writes, to dsay "can u say hello 2 emily holly and thomas who think u all are creamy muck muck ace." Okay: Hello 2 emily holly and thomas. Thank you for participating.
- A DickAndDom fan writes with a poem for Dick and Dom.
- Admin writes from www.myattcommunications.co.uk to state that "I have visited your site and I think that the General content could be of interest to our web site visitors." He thus wants us to exchange links. When one views their site one can truly comprehend the mutual synergies between our busines models. Thanks, Admin!
- The Tongs are truly becoming famous. A Tong Fan writes in to say "Please say hi to Enya, Kacy, Brittany and Jed Feehan in Co. Tipperary, Ireland they love watching the show and play boogies no mater where we are." Glad you love the show, perhaps we should actually start making one some time. But you say you play bogeys no matter where you are? Let us hope you never find yourself hiding behind the sofa in Al Qa'ida's top secret headquarters, as playing bogeys could arouse the attention of the worst kind of sadist.
- We have received the following enquiry: "hi can i have the mialing address so i can mail oprah please." Yes, of course you can. Can we have your address so we can give it to you?
- A user writes to ask for a signed t-shirt of Dick and Dom for their six month old baby who - the user asserts - watches the show every week. We would be glad to oblige if - for example - any of us was Dick or Dom, or if you'd thought to provide any address or contact details. Another user expresses feelings similar in some respects to my own: "i want to cum on the dick and dom bungalow".
- [Ila Hamilton] writes with encouraging news regarding love after bereavement: "After 45 years, my 7th grade first love and I got together for the first time in Las Vegas to see Celine Dione ... Now we are looking for property to build our dream house in Santa Ynez Valley. I was the Homecoming Queen, he was the football king. M y husband of 37 years died 4 years ago and I contacted him and here we are. Our families have been friends since high school. I was in charge of the reunions through the years. Love is ageless, We are both 60 years old. Thank you, Ila Hamilton." Good to hear things are going well, Ila. Tongs wishing to build houses in Santa Barbara should follow Ila's link.
- It's a lovely story, but I wonder what prompted Ila to send it to us? --b
- We have two key mailstreams: those who read the DickAndDom page and want to contact Dick and Dom, and our Atlantic cousins who read the OprahWinfrey page, and want to contact Oprah Winfrey.
- Clearly we're more popular with Oprah viewers during the day time, and Dick and Dom viewers at the weekend. Ericka Bauer writes to report that "dear oprah recentlt i saw a program that disturbed me greatly I do not remembewr the channel but it shiwed illegal fighting between dogs and pigs this show was so horrible it made me cry.please is there nothing we can do to stop this horrible practice.yours truly ericka bauer..thanks for your generous contributions to the human race I love you" Thanks, Ericka. It's great to hear that you were so moved by watching dogs fight pigs, it is indeed the beautiful game.
- A friend writes in to our page on Illegal Fighting Between Dogs And Pigs to report that "im in the jone street boys im tacking ur bussniues wree gunna blast u away u mother fu". Crikey, Mr Jones. I don't know what to say. Tacking our business? You mean, you'll be zig-zagging our business upwind? I can't say I understand how that will work, but good luck to u you mother fu, as I understand the saying goes.
- Sara writes in to say "Hi I'm Sara. I picked you for black history month." Well thanks, Sara. I can't say we deserve it. I mean, not a whole month.
- Thomas Harris - presumably the author of Silence of the Lambs - is clearly collecting material for his next book. He writes to ask, "Do You have enough pwoer to provide your patrner high quality S-EX on St.Valentine day? Get a MONSTTER pwoer, nothing can bring your ererction down! Show your partner the PWOER of your LOEV and she will always remember You. Loev will ALWAYS be associated with YOU!" Thomas, your spelling is atrocious. No wonder Hannibal made so little sense.
- The Tongs wiki is in the process of being seduced by a young lady called Doug.
- User 1147395203 confusingly writes to us, I think about InternationalHouseOfPancakes: "I would like to tell you about a resent visit to your store in murfreesboro Tn.May 6 of this yeay i went into the ihop in murfreesboro to eat.I got their about 5:15am.I got seated right away.I sat for ove 15 min.I had at least 5 or 6 seavers walk by me.Not one of them asked if i had been taken care of.In the mean time two grils came in and not only were seated riht away be they got their orders taken right away but they were falling over them slefs to make sure that they had everything that they needed.I got up to leave and the over night manager askes iftheir is a problem and i state that i had bennd seated for over 15 min. and no one had asked if i wanted water or food for that matter.His final smart remark sa i was walking out the door was to have a good rest of the day.I feel that if this is the way you are going to run your operation i will be sure to tell every one i know how sorry the ihop is and to not to go in if they expect to get food".
- IHoP responds: "I was very upset to hear of User 1147395203's 'resent' treatment in our improbably named Murfreesboro store. All of our IHoP staff are under strict instructions not to talk to customers who are ugly, stupid or illiterate. We want to encourage the feeling that being served in IHoP is a privilege only those who have earned it can enjoy, as well as to ensure that only the most beautiful and stylish customers are seen through our large, sheet glass windows. Please reassure User 1147395203 that our staff were not supposed to address him -- let alone wish him a good day -- and that he should have left under the correct impression, viz. that he is not welcome. I am sure that Denny's or McDonalds will be happy for his custom".
- A user writes to report, "the illuminati are damned - virus has now downloaded". Please, User 1148061597, don't count your chickens until their plans are hatched.
- User 82.42.225.31 comments, "YOU ARE ALL GAY".
- Nirmal Kulkarni writes to say "Hi there, just went thru ur site, whilst surfin da internet n ya, its a lovely site to say teh least. im an ecologist,workin in the western Ghats of Goa on reptiles n amphibians, n conduct density n diversity studies on the same, besides running a place called Wildernest Nature Resort.(www.wildernest-goa.com.). plese leme know if any of u guys come down to goa,anytime n are intrested in conservation work also, wud love to help out n show u the work we do out here." Thanks, Nirmal!
- From Mari-Tuulia: Hey, I wish I had LLI= Low Latent Inhibition. Yours:Mari-Tuulia. P.S:You can visit my website: oceanwindssky.googlepages.com P.S: DO NOT put www. to the beginning. I wonder what LLI is?
- Malcolm Tinnis from Gwynned writes to say, "YOUR GAY YOU LIKE IT UP THE ASSHOLE YOU MOTHER FUCKER". Presumably Mother would be using a strap-on then, Mr Tinnis?
We have received no further mail.