Tongs: Tongs

some definitions...

Here Wikipedia helps us out:

Tongs are gripping and lifting tools, of which there are many forms adapted to their specific use. Some are merely large pincers or nippers (for example, [Dan and Zach]), but the greatest number fall into three classes:

Tongs which have long arms terminating in small flat circular grippers and are pivoted close to the handle, as in the common fire-tongs, used for picking up pieces of coal and placing them on a fire. These include MonkeyTongs and BearTongs.
Tongs consisting of a single band of metal bent round one or two bands joined at the head by a spring, as in sugar-tongs, asparagus-tongs, and the like. FerkelTongs is such.
Tongs in which the pivot or joint is placed close to the gripping ends, such as blacksmith's tongs or crucible-tongs. spimcoot and RickBot take this form.

A special form of tongs, known as "lazy-tongs," consists of a pair of grippers at the end of a series of levers pivoted together like scissors, the whole being closed or extended by the movement of the handles communicated to the first set of levers and thence to the grippers, the whole forming an extensible pair of tongs for gripping and lifting things at a distance. (I think all the Tongs fall into this category.)

Thankyou wikipedia!

Despite the Tongs' origins in Mnki linguistics, other Tongs have roamed the planet for... oo, simply ages, providing us with a proud global spiritual heritage. [Mm mm, 'spiritual heritage'. What special words and I promise never to utter them again.]

Our most ancient antecedents hail from China. A Folklore Heritage [oop, that was a close call] website provides this definition:

: The Meaning of Tong

: The Chinese character 'tong' [see symbol above which means 'tongue', natch] means a hall or a place to meet and talk. A great variety of Chinese organizations, such as clan associations and secret societies, are commonly designated as 'tongs'. Each tong helped its own members and stood behind them whenever they had trouble...

...or to help them dance to OtaZoy.

This rather dry definition is moistly elaborated upon by a fellah named [Hakim Bey] (you know, ontological anarchy and all that):

: Last winter I read a book on the Chinese Tongs & for the first time I realized why I've always been attracted to the Tong: not just for the romanticism, the elegant decadent chinoiserie decor, as it were - but also for the form, the structure, the very essence of the thing.

: Some time later in an excellent interview with William Burroughs in Homocore magazine I discovered that he too has become fascinated with Tongs & suggests the form as a perfect mode of organization for queers, particularly in this present era of shitheel moralism & hysteria. I'd agree, & extend the recommendation to all marginal groups, especially ones whose jouissance involves illegalism (potheads, sex heretics, insurrectionists) or extreme eccentricity (nudists, pagans, post-avant-garde artists, etc., etc.).

Don't know about you, old thing, but reading that makes me go jouissant all over.

What ho Scottish tongs, we're your jolly English tong chums from London!

However, one cannot help but feel that, no matter how warm the welcome we'd be likely to receive in Glasga after such a greeting, it would involve nary a drop of elegant decadent chinoiserie decor. Nevertheless, Glasgow is home to our other bunch of spiritual antecedents.

The place was practically founded, it seems, on gang warfare, and the Tongs have featured proudly in it for over a century, peaking in the Sixties. For all you want to know about Sixties Tongs you could do worse than have a squizz at [Small Faces] (link courtesy of the IMDb). For far more than you wanted to know about present day Glasga tongs, cast a glazzie over [this]. I think it's football related but it seeems to contain the odd nod to gang histoire. There again, it does also contain this charming snap:

...so perhaps all is not lost.

D'you know, 'tongs' is the French word for flip flop, like the rather stylish one above brought to you by [fannytoes.com].* Who'd have thought? (Well, the French would, I suppose).

It doesn't seem a particularly inspired word for flip flop, unless it's somehow related to 'thong', but perhaps it's no worse than our own. Onomatopoeia is always good, of course, but I feel that 'flip flop' mishears its subject. 'Flap flap' would surely be nearer the mark, unless walking fast enough to achieve the Doppler effect. Or wearing a two-tone pair.

I'm surprised I didn't encounter the term in France, although I did once rather disturbingly encounter a pair of rainbow tongs in the most unlikeliest of places: upon Mickey's feet. He later recalled the scene, describing the barest flicker of disgust which registered on my face before I politely averted my gaze, 'exactly as one does when talking to a woman with a low cut top on' he said. But not for such a good reason.

*[I have carefully reviewed this site and I can inform Tongs that, quite true to its title, it does indeed contain what we may now class as eponymous fannies and toes. Somewhat overlooked by the title, however, it also contains some massively erect penises in conjunction with both of the aforementioned. But it's not a particularly good site; are porn sites ever?]

: Splendid research, that Tong. It's this sort of scientific work that seperates man from the animals.