THE INTERNET'S NUMBER ONE TIM LANGFORD RESOURCE
For many years now, it has generally been acknowledged that the internet lacks that little something that would bring the whole thing together. Finally, the Tongs found that thing: Tim Langford. They have now dedicated themselves to piecing together everything they know about this mysterious Tong, for the benefit of millions.
BREAKING NEWS: In his youth, Tim attended Mr Kibble's A'Level Biology class.
Photographic evidence
Another picture: /Karaoke
- A Tong asks: Tim - which of these is the most recent photograph? -- r
- A Tong responds: I can answer this one Rick. The one of Tim holding a beer is most recent, though he looks a little different from both of these photos in reality. (SiBen)
- A Tong co-responds: Now someone's thrown a matzo in the mix. Where does the third picture come, in Mr Langford's glittering career?
An interview (previously unpublished)
Although Tim looks rather like a young George Bush, he has no aspirations to become either a demagogue or tyrant. "I'm happy as I am," young Tim told this website, "ticking along, doing whatever the hell it is I do."
Tim was born in the 1970s, when disco was the height of fashion and 'hipsters' would strut their 'funky stuff' all over the 'dance floor'. However, none of this rubbed off on Tim. "I was, like, only a baby at the time," he notes, sagely "Whaddya think - that I'd be out every Saturday night in my romper suit, break dancing?" This website offered its unequivocal apologies.
"Though, my mum did enter me into a sort of proto-mini-pops competition when I was five," Tim notes, obliquely referring to the Channel 4 television programme. "She dressed me up in pink spandex, and I sang Dancing Queen with my brother, on stage at Butlins. We won a big gold cup. I still have the costume, somewhere."
Tim has more butch hobbies now, however. "I'm in the Territorial Army at weekends," he notes, "although ever since the Iraq invasion, I've avoided going along. You never know if they're gonna try to sign you up for the Big Game."
What does Tim think of the Iraq invasion? "It's dumb," he claims, "I mean. Come on."
Tim Langford was interviewed by Sally Phillips, at the Micklethwaite Building in Bath.
Tastes and hobbies
- Sally Phillips: "Is Sally Phillips the one off Smack The Pony that is actually a tiny tiny tiny bit not not funny? I dont like Smack The Pony, unless it is taking air time off of Sex in the City..."
- A Tong notes::I saw Sally Phillips once, you know. She stared at me from behind her limousine window as me and my mum were escorted firmly but politely from the Tate after closing time. We'd been in the bar, you see. I think Ms Phillips was coming for a private viewing. These superstar celebrities, I don't know. (I hope we're talking about the same person - smack the pony and all that?)
- Saying "Poor old Rhizomys sinensis...": Thats what I say everyday I wake up... Everyone slags them off, but, I think that we should support any animal that competes with Ailuropoda melanoleuca... they are just exothermic "genus-cidal" wastes of bamboo... So this makes them my current favrouite animal of the hour...
- Anecdotal evidence: And so, I was saying to Adolf, "If you think you can get the same amount done with half the amount then good luck to you" and of course the last thing I expected to see was him go off and do it on his own. My brother used to own a cat called Adolf, but would always put down a different name when he went to the Tierarzt in case they thought he was funny. He got run over in '49 by a truck. My brother that is, not the cat.
- Extinction fantasties that bleed uncomfortably into sexual fantasies: Well... that is a pretty unhappy tale... sniff... sob... sniff... but that is still not going to stop me putting stupid Ailuropoda melanoleuca on my extinction list of animals that would make the Earth much nicer place if they did a better job of getting on with not existing. It is still a work in progress, but, surely no-one can have any miss-givings about wiping out all forms of: 1) Insect 2) Arachnid 3) Any animal that lives in the sea (except cod, haddock, mackrel, tuna, prawns, and mussels --- they are tasty) 4) All species from Australia and the Oceania region in general?
- Turning the conversation round to penetrative sex: do a google images search for "Sally Phillips", and discover her engaged in unnecessarily graphic penetrative sex. Yak.
- A Tong names, without elaboration: Bridget Riley
See also: EdgetoNoOdeofRicoAfterMumrahAttack and the sequel, PigeonFloating.