JAMES CHARLES HARRIES : A BRIEF TRIBUTE

♂ A portrait of James	♂ A scarier portrait of James	♂ James Harries, 1988
♀ Lauren Harries, 2001, appearing on the OprahWinfrey show	♀ Lauren Harries, 2002, appearing in a BigBrother application video	♀ Lauren Harries, 2005
♀ Lauren Harries, again in 2005	♀ Lauren Harries, late 2005	♀ Lauren Harries, late 2005
♀ Lauren Harries, late 2005	♀ Lauren Harries, March 2006, [appearing on] RTE's The Late Late Show	♀ Lauren Harries, April 2001, appearing on UTV's Kelly
"I work in an antique shop. My name is James Harries and I'm very clever for my age. No ruffians in here please."

James Harries was a cotton-candy-haired boy genius who first came to attention on the Wogan show in 1988. In his strained, lisping upper-class accent he spoke at length about both antiques and the state of the economy. Wogan got good mileage on the comedy of this poor sod of a boy, and he went on to entertain audiences all around the world, even appearing to be mocked in the US on Oprah. According to one commentator "his presence soiled everyone he came into contact with, because he was just a kid and we were all laughing our heads off at him."

Born in 1978, James opened his own antiques business in Cardiff aged ten, and left school a year later. It was around this time he first hit the media, hyped for "knowing practically everything there is to know about antiques," although this is not borne out in the Wogan interview during which he came up with the insight that antiques should "look old". By 14 he had published his own book, "Rags to Riches" (ISBN 1873798008), which explanined how to make money from jumble sales.

His most often quoted soundbyte stems from Wogan asking why James did not like children or respect his teachers or go to school; "I won't! I won't! Because they're not ladies and gentlemen, and the teachers aren't ladies and gentlemen either, and you wouldn't know anyway, because you weren't there, Wogan." His leaving school at such a young age was one of the first signs he came from a bizarre background. Claiming to be a family of geniuses, the Harries clan insisted on tutoring him at home. It was soon discovered however that the peculiar selection of doctorates and masters held by the family had all been awarded by the "Cardiff College Of Humanistic Studies" or "Tudor Cottage College" - based at their own mock tudor home. His family were subsequently involved in a number of scandals and court cases. Most notably, his father's attempt to sue the government for mismanagment during the recession backfired when the family lost the case and went bankrupt; the father was later imprisoned for arson and fraud after burning down his own fancy dress shop in an attempt to rescue his business.

During the Wogan interview Terry said to Harries, "What you’re going to be like at 20 I just can’t imagine." Alas we were never to find out, as Harries didn't resurface again until 2001, aged 23. Wogan could never have imagined how Harries turned out: he resurfaced transformed, butterfly-like, into a woman. Lauren Charlotte Harries was born.

Although Lauren insists it was her own choice, the sex change is surrounded by confusion and many commentators suspect his parents of forcing him into it. In particular, James's psycho-sexual counselling, compulsary analysis before any sex-op can take place, was conducted by his own mother, who used a fake name on documents, and was quite possibly supported by her fake qualificiations. One commentator notes "the parents come across as fraudsters who have possibly damaged their children beyond repair."

In 2002 Lauren hit the headlines again, after she applied to go on Big Brother 3, although she was sadly turned down. Seeking a career in television, Lauren sadly could not shrug off her 10-year old image and resorted to briefly hosted an antiques slot on This Morning, and again on the Big Breakfast. She had no mileage for television, and was last seen on Channel 4 singing the song "Memory" (from Cats) during a documentary about how fucked up she is. According to this recent documentary, the family continues to live in "their mock Tudor house near Cardiff, where they are fighting a constant battle with an encroaching council estate".

Update July 2005

It is reported that Lauren Harries and her family have been viciously attacked at their Cardiff home. According to news sources, "The former child antiques expert said that she feared for her life as she was beaten around the face and pinned to the floor by a gang of drunken yobs who also beat up her father Mark and brother, while her mother watched from the house."

Lauren told the South East Echo that a man pinned her to the floor, and "took off my shoe and hit me across the face about nine times. It was a slipper shoe, it could have been a stiletto and that would have been much worse."

Lauren told the paper she was terrified and now feels like a prisoner in her own home. "It happened because of me and who I am, she said."

The kind thoughts and good wishes of the Tongs go out to Lauren and her family.

Update: See /news July 2005

Update January 2007

Rumour has it [Lauren is to appear on Celebrity Big Brother]. Fingers crossed, Lauren!

Chronology of notable appearances

• April 2001 - James appeared on ITV's This Morning to talk about his sex change. He stated that someone had approached him in the supermarket saying "you should have a sex change", and that's where he got the idea, although he had been crossdressing since nineteen. One observer commented that "I'm not sure I could tell the difference between Lauren and James in drag, unless they were naked. Dear God, don't let them be naked."

• 4 May 2001 - James appeared on ITV's Live Talk, to discuss his then recent genderswap operation. She reported that she had to wear nappies whilst the scalpel wound healed, and squealed excitedly about being able to put makeup on before leaving the house in the morning. One observer reported that "she was still very much the kid you loved to hate, but I'm sure you wouldn't want it anyother way."

• 28 June 2004 - James featured in a Channel 4 documentary, Little Lady Fauntleroy. The description of James as a "precocious child antiques expert" did not suggest the show would be a kind treatment. It included the revelation that the Wogan-boy we know is an artificial construct: his parents dressed him up that way and rehearsed the accent so he'd get on TV, and he had almost no real knowledge of antiques.

• 20 June 2005 - Lauren was a guest on Channel 4's Big Brother's Big Mouth show.

• November 2005 - Bizarre Magazine claims that they will have an article on Lauren in their new issue, out 8th November, in which her transformation from child boy antiques genius to SUPERMODEL will be charted.

Related Trivia

• James is not the only genius in the family. His brother Mark apparently holds the world record for baking the biggest Yorkshire pudding.

External Links

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauren_Harries
• http://www.borkowski.co.uk/e-release/fauntleroy/ - note the involvement of VictorLewisSmith?.
• NEW! http://www.bizarremag.com/bizarre_lives.php?id=2475 - interview with Bizarre Magazine.
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj8R413LWO0 - great video of the man himself.

• And, not a moment too soon....

http://www.laurenharries.co.uk/News&events.html

Internal Links

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